While all of these things are good and some were very enjoyable*, I feel like (in the analogy our pastor used today) I'm swimming upstream. Although I am working really hard, I am going nowhere. I got a lot of "things" done, but only a few things that really matter.
I can't remember the last time I have been this busy. It's eerily reminiscent of my life before I moved to Dominica. Thankfully, I was able to maintain some of the simplicity of that lifestyle while I lived in Michigan. Coming back to Nashville, though, it seems that my old habits are rearing their ugly head. I feel like I've stepped back into an old cheerleading outfit (i never was a cheerleader, in case you are wondering) but I've gained about 20 pounds (hopefully, that's not the case either). This kind of life doesn't fit me anymore. I love leading a simple life. I love having space to think, breathe, be. Even though the outfit doesn't fit me anymore, I've been wearing it for the past three weeks. I think it's cutting off my circulation.My life has gone from a small, close-knit community to a really large one. I have lots of places I love to eat, things I like to do, and people I like to see. While I am so thankful to be back home and enjoy all those things, I feel like I've overdone it. In other words, I'm at the county fair and I've had too many sweets. So, now for the detox. How do you detox from something that society tells you is "good"? Being busy is good, right? The only person who consistently tells me otherwise is Jesus and my mother. The normal pace of life seems to be: go on one more outing, run one more errand, plan one more event. I want to be intentional about creating a different pace of life--one that leaves me more space to hear God's voice, be there when a friend really needs me, and learn more of who I am. That space won't just happen, though. I'm naturally a "fill the calendar" kind of gal. No, it has to be a choice for me, every day.
your analaogy of the cheerleading outfit - i completely understand and relate, as if you were talking about me! the thing about having a life-changing experience (dominica) is that it's hard to jump back into the same life again. i'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words, but i also feel like the uniform is cutting off my circulation and just doesn't fit anymore.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way coming home from Northern Ireland when we moved back. If I had to put it in one word, the word would be "bombardment." Everything--media, signs, people, things--all vying for my eyes and attention. Eventually, I got "used" to it again, but the busy-ness is always chomping at the bit. Like those Capitol One commercials with the Vikings wanting to break down my door. "Aarrrrggghhhh!!! What's in YOUR wallet??!"
ReplyDeleteI've got news for you::this battle does not lie down for very long. Ever. I am quickly learning the mantra of mothers with school-aged children..."May is the new December." I feel like I just ran a marathon. In the middle of the week last week, I felt my body just shutting down. And we're leaving for the beach on Wednesday and I cannot wait to be there, but the work required to get us there is looming over me like a thunderous black cloud. I have to woooooooork to relocate my family so we can make sweet memories and so I can have, hopefully, a few choice moments of breathing in and out, deeply, fully embracing the blessing of getting to be there and feeling small next to the ocean. It is worth the work.
I just bought some new books for the trip for the kids. I actually bought "The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Pressure." ((smile)) I think the Bear Family's calendar is too full and Mama ends up cracking under the pressure when she gets a flat tire. Can't wait to read it and see if the boys "get" it.
Keep fighting the good fight, Bri! Someone asked me once in a moment of stress and pressure how my "margins" were. I wasn't sure. My friend clarified, "Margins are the spaces you leave in your life for the unexpected." Aaahhhhh..... Here's to wider margins!
y'all!! thank you for sympathizing with me on this one! and thanks for reading! Les, i like what you said about "margins". Wider margins indeed!
ReplyDeleteBriana- I don't know you real well but I love, love your heart and I know Jesus does...He longs for you..for us. A quote that speaks to the heart of this is from Pedro Arrupe, S.J.
ReplyDelete"More than ever I find myself in the hands of God. This is what I have wanted all my life from my youth. But now there is a difference; the initiative is entirely with God. It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in God's hands."
The incredible truth is Jesus can be trusted. Total Awesomeness.
What a profound and true note to read. One of the things that I love about summer as a teacher is the space to breathe, to not feel the calendar up every day with obligations and errands. I would rather have a few really great days with you over the next months than many meetings that leave us both drained. I want to support you in discovering the self you found in Dominica while in Nashville. I will start asking you about your margins!
ReplyDeleteBri, Choose wisely how to spend your life----Take care of yourself and what's most important to you and yours---"First Things First" and "God , grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can." It's avery important struggle. Stay true to yourself. Much love
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