busying myself

This morning while Beckham was napping, I tried to spend time with the Lord, but I was distracted. And the truth is, I wanted to be distracted. I wanted to do anything and everything except open my Bible. I started a load of clothes. I looked on craigslist (again) for houses in Knoxville. I put away clothes. I checked my email. I looked on Facebook. Then, I prayed. for two minutes. and then I started cleaning again. Finally, after 45 minutes of this, I sat down and told God out loud, "ok, i'm running. I don't want to spend time with you because I'd rather be doing something else. Help me. I need nourishment. I need you." I opened my Bible, turned to Haggai, and read this.

"Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm.....You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? Declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins while each of you busies himself with his own house."

-Haggai 1: 6-9

Conviction is amazing. Because it doesn't leave me feeling shameful. or guilty. It leaves me wanting to change. and that's exactly how I felt after reading this passage. It could not have been ANY more appropriate for me at this very moment in time. I have been busying myself with everything but Jesus. And on an even more literal level, I've been consumed with finding a house in Knoxville. Every day I search on craigslist, refreshing the web page more times than I'd like to admit. I search other rental websites, usually to find the same exact listings....either in the wrong location, above our price range, not enough bedrooms, or a scam. I am exhausted. Now I remember why.

This scripture is a gift, an invitation. An invitation to surrender, to remember, and to ultimately come home.