For as long as I can remember, the idea of my life under these circumstances felt more like the topic of a Bible study or the theme to a musical number than a reality. It still does. I've been a worrier for so long that in many ways, it feels like a part of who I am--that it was born on me when I came out of the womb and no matter how hard I try, it's there to stay. I'm beginning to realize that that is one of the smoothest tricks the devil ever played...making me think that I am stuck with one of the most destructive parts of my life.

Sure, I could spout off to you a million and one reasons why I "shouldn't" worry, why God has everything under control, and that worrying doesn't do me a single bit of good. Knowledge is power. But it's only half the battle sometimes. Worrying is enticing. and deceiving. Makes me feel in control. Did I mention deceiving?

I don't have some elaborate plan of action, though. Not that it would work if I did. I have tried -- can't do it. The change that's happening in me, though, is real. My spirit wants more than ever to be free. My heart is desperate to be more alive, to unclench my fists that are holding on to my circumstances so tightly. I want to be HERE. TODAY. I believe that God wants that for me, too. And for the first time, I can feel my grip loosening.